Anger is the real destroyer of our good human qualities; an enemy with a weapon cannot destroy these qualities, but anger can. Anger is our real enemy. -Dalai Lama

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We should begin by removing the greatest hindrances to compassion: anger and hatred. As we all know, these are extremely powerful emotions and they can overwhelm our entire mind. Nevertheless, they can be controlled. If, however, they are not, these negative emotions will plague us – with no extra effort on their part! – and impede our quest for the happiness of a loving mind.

So as a start, it is useful to investigate whether or not anger is of value. Sometimes, when we are discouraged by a difficult situation, anger does seem helpful, appearing to bring with it more energy, confidence and determination.

If we live our lives continually motivated by anger and hatred, even our physical health deteriorates. -Dalai Lama

Here, though, we must examine our mental state carefully. While it is true that anger brings extra energy, if we explore the nature of this energy, we discover that it is blind: we cannot be sure whether its result will be positive or negative. This is because anger eclipses the best part of our brain: its rationality. So the energy of anger is almost always unreliable. It can cause an immense amount of destructive, unfortunate behavior. Moreover, if anger increases to the extreme, one becomes like a mad person, acting in ways that are as damaging to oneself as they are to others.

It is possible, however, to develop an equally forceful but far more controlled energy with which to handle difficult situations.

Happiness cannot come from hatred or anger. Nobody can say, “Today I am happy because this morning I was angry.” On the contrary, people feel uneasy and sad and say, “Today I am not very happy, because I lost my temper this morning.” -Dalai Lama

This controlled energy comes not only from a compassionate attitude, but also from reason and patience. These are the most powerful antidotes to anger. Unfortunately, many people misjudge these qualities as signs of weakness. I believe the opposite to be true: that they are the true signs of inner strength. Compassion is by nature gentle, peaceful and soft, but it is very powerful. It is those who easily lose their patience who are insecure and unstable. Thus, to me, the arousal of anger is a direct sign of weakness.

Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook. It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it. -Dalai Lama

So, when a problem first arises, try to remain humble and maintain a sincere attitude and be concerned that the outcome is fair. Of course, others may try to take advantage of you, and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression, adopt a strong stand.  This, however, should be done with compassion, and if it is necessary to express your views and take strong countermeasures, do so without anger or ill-intent.
You should realize that even though your opponents appear to be harming you, in the end, their destructive activity will damage only themselves. In order to check your own selfish impulse to retaliate, you should recall your desire to practice compassion and assume responsibility for helping prevent the other person from suffering the consequences of his or her acts.

Thus, because the measures you employ have been calmly chosen, they will be more effective, more accurate and more forceful. Retaliation based on the blind energy of anger seldom hits the target.

-Dalai Lama from Compassion and the Individual.

We have a saying in Tibet: “If you lose your temper and get angry, bite your knuckles.” This means that if you lose your temper, do not show it to others. Rather, say to yourself, “Leave it.” -Dalai Lama

Wisdom About Anger

In Buddhism, any thought, feeling or mental state that undermines our peace of mind from within–all negative thoughts and emotions such as anger, pride, lust, greed, envy and so on–are considered to be afflictions. Far from recognizing their destructive potential and challenging them, we often nurture and reinforce them. But. . . their nature is wholly destructive. They are the very source of unethical conduct.

His Holiness The Dalai Lama offers wisdom about anger:

1. Anger is the real destroyer of our good human qualities; an enemy with a weapon cannot destroy these qualities, but anger can. Anger is our real enemy.

2. If we live our lives continually motivated by anger and hatred, even our physical health deteriorates.

3. Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook. It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.

4. We have a saying in Tibet: “If you lose your temper and get angry, bite your knuckles.” This means that if you lose your temper, do not show it to others. Rather, say to yourself, “Leave it.”

5. According to Buddhist psychology, most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities. The pursuit of the objects of our desire and attachment involves the use of aggression and competitiveness. . . These mental processes easily translate into actions, breeding belligerence.

Such processes have been going on in the human mind since time immemorial, but their execution has become more effective under modern conditions. What can we do to control and regulate these “poisons”–delusion, greed and aggression? For it is these poisons that are behind almost every trouble in the world.

6. Hatred can be the greatest stumbling block to the development of compassion and happiness. If you learn to develop patience and tolerance towards your enemies, then everything becomes much easier–your compassion towards all others begins to flow naturally.

7. Happiness cannot come from hatred or anger. Nobody can say, “Today I am happy because this morning I was angry.” On the contrary, people feel uneasy and sad and say, “Today I am not very happy, because I lost my temper this morning.”

* Through kindness, whether at our own level or at the national and international level, through mutual understanding and through mutual respect, we will get peace, we will get happiness, and we will get genuine satisfaction.

Adapted from The Pocket Dalai Lama, arranged by Mary Craig (Shambhala, 2002)