Meditation On Change
Running into one’s ex-boyfriend, unexpectedly, in the middle of a crowded cafe can interrupt completely change the course of one’s day. Especially if it ended badly. Especially when you’re not looking your best. Especially when you’re on a diet to lose the last few pounds of that break-up weight you put on in the first place.
After the shock, I wanted to make a b-line for three or four cheese slices at my local pizzeria. Did I mention that I’m vegan? Not only did I get into the car, but I drove halfway to the shop. Not one red light to to give me a moment of pause.
But I did pause. I don’t know what, but something finally clicked. I mean, what’s the point of knowing better without acting better. That was yesterday. Today I was listening to the lyrics of one of my favorite Tracy Chapman songs, “Change” and got inspired all over again. Here are the fruits of my labor:
For so long
I have conditioned myself to swallow
Those sinking stones. I think I wasn’t
Born this way. What objects
Or sentient beings truly change?
Only all of them. Whatever
Can be lost
Can be regained. I only need
Look for examples. How
Does a tree stop itself from devouring
Its own leaves? It releases them. If only
I was as tall, as old or attuned to my own rhythms,
To release those crimson leaves of anger,
Those golden ochres of fear,
That brownish green of envy, which
Resembles my own bark. Naturally,
I only need to be an example:
The way beauty reflects what is ugly
Or greed reflects need,
The way my full stomach reflects my own emptiness.
I read once, “When the heart is full
You need much less.” sometimes I forget,
I will always forget. At times
My karma is strained, I think
Recurring willingness is change.
Again, I only need look for examples, for anything
Can be lost,
Can be regained.