Bowl of rice with chopsticks

Bowl of rice with chopsticks

Meditation On Change

Running into one’s ex-boyfriend, unexpectedly, in the middle of a crowded cafe can interrupt completely change the course of one’s day. Especially if it ended badly. Especially when you’re not looking your best. Especially when you’re on a diet to lose the last few pounds of that break-up weight you put on in the first place.

After the shock, I wanted to make a b-line for three or four cheese slices at my local pizzeria. Did I mention that I’m vegan? Not only did I get into the car, but I drove halfway to the shop. Not one red light to to give me a moment of pause.

But I did pause. I don’t know what, but something finally clicked. I mean, what’s the point of knowing better without acting better. That was yesterday. Today I was listening to the lyrics of one of my favorite Tracy Chapman songs, “Change” and got inspired all over again. Here are the fruits of my labor:

For so long

I have conditioned myself to swallow

Those sinking stones. I think I wasn’t

Born this way. What objects

Or sentient beings truly change?

Only all of them. Whatever

Can be lost

Can be regained. I only need

Look for examples. How

Does a tree stop itself from devouring

Its own leaves? It releases them. If only

I was as tall, as old or attuned to my own rhythms,

To release those crimson leaves of anger,

Those golden ochres of fear,

That brownish green of envy, which

Resembles my own bark. Naturally,

I only need to be an example:

The way beauty reflects what is ugly

Or greed reflects need,

The way my full stomach reflects my own emptiness.

I read once, “When the heart is full

You need much less.” sometimes I forget,

I will always forget. At times

My karma is strained, I think

Recurring willingness is change.

Again, I only need look for examples, for anything

Can be lost,

Can be regained.

Aana Grey

Namasté